Pollcode

concerned hit the nail on the head. drove it into the stud. i couldn't agree more.

Complegalitarian
Adj. Pertaining to complementarianism and egalitarianism.

Working to be a safe place for all sides to share.
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The header points out a few things:
1. There are sides in this discussion.
2. It is possible for adherents of one side to say things that either are unsafe or at least seem unsafe to another.

I think this forum is special, as I know that some other forums have not even tried to make safety a goal when comp-egal discussions take place.

I have learned from others here and have refined my beliefs in this area because of the discussions.

Given that there are sides, I would not expect there to never be some "sparks and heat" as long as it does not become "fire". It would be useful to perhaps discuss what people see as crossing the line into "fire". It may be the case that what a speaker intends as "sparking" the listener feels as "fire".

Add to this that some here have switched sides after being "burned" and there can be a passion that is not often present when discussing other Christian topics.

PS. "thinking" is Molly, who is truly thinking. Or trying to, anyway.
I am also "thoughts from a reader and sometimes participant."

Just wanted to come clean and 'fess up. Ha.

I think it would be helpful to

a.) have another complementarian, a more cbmw-style if possible, on the team, posting regularly.

b.) have people stop trying to change eachother's minds and instead, engage in explaining their own position and LISTENING to the positions of others.

Perhaps a comment goal could be to refrain from trying to change other people's minds.

As long as Complegalitarian is viewed as a vehicle for changing the minds of the opposite side, it's going to be a real mess. And some of the more negative comments are engaged in exactly that: not explaining one's particular viewpoint, but instead telling the others why they are wrong, how they are wrong, and why they should all think just like the commenter thinks.

This is frustrating for everybody. How can we get to a place where we are both listeners and speakers, minus the attitude of, "and you have to think like me or you are ___ [insert negative adjective]."

"Concerned" is insightful.

As well, I am of the opinion that the two most vocal complementarians appear to be more caustic than any of the egals. I don't buy it that the egals are attacking comps just by disagreeing (even sharply). Perhaps no one is attacking anyone, just getting angry at the words of others.

While some civility should be encouraged, sometimes it is not easy to not get angry at some of the things said and the clever ways they are said. There are some intelligent people dialoguing here. A balance is just not easy.

With great sadness I have to say that one of the problems here is that people who are extremely damaged (by their own admission I hasten to add) are allowed too great a freedom to attack complementarianism as if all comps are extremists, abusers, supporters of slavery (by implication) and examples of any and all faults in the area of gender.
In the main the most vociferous attackers in the comments are those who identify themselves as egal.

I enjoy the discussion on here and don't find it distasteful most of the time. Most of us have reasons to dig in our heels in our "theology", many of us are working through hurts from the past, so it can become a bit heated, I agree.

Compegal, according to the last poll, is deemed an unsafe place by comps, 55 to 3, but a safe place by egals, 18 to 8. This is also reflected in the number of posts and comments by avowed comps, which are relatively few.

That was the basic datum of the last poll. There has not been a fundamental change since. On the other hand, some of the best exchanges ever on compegal occurred in the interim, thanks to Marilyn, the one and only avowed comp if I'm not mistaken who currently posts and comments on compegal.

Since I am egal, but not a "biblical" egal, I am used to being psycho-analyzed and regarded as a fake by a portion of those who identify with biblical egalism (see previous comment). I can take it (usually), but out of solidarity with the vast majority of comps (55 to 3 in the poll points to a huge imbalance), I think complementarian suggestions for making compegal a safe place need to be solicited and implemented on a trial basis.

I think that sometimes allowing a seemingly problematic conversation can be exactly what is needed to propel growth. I wouldn't get too discouraged over what seems to be problems. As long as the reminders toward gentleness are frequent, I say let some friction occur. It seems that often growth comes with friction, or that friction propels growth, or something of that sort. Bottom line, manure smells bad, but it grows better trees.

As an occasional commenter and frequent lurker, I know I would personally post more often, and feel less disheartened, if it were not for the passive-aggressive (and long-winded) style of one regular commenter. he purports to be egal, but then proceeds to attack the grounds of every egal argument, with far less civility than avowed comps. It's almost as if he's saying that one can't be a sincere egal unless one believes the moderated form of egalism which is his. He often ends up provoking sharper replies from others on the forum because of his fundamental disrespect towards their position. Just my thoughts ..